Jasper Babysits
by BibliophileBoleyn
Summary: The new installment in my Babysitting series. This time, Jasper is the Cullen babysitting Renesmee, and you know that funny things are bound to happen.


**AN: This story is the new installment in the Babysitting series. Before you read, remember that I was writing in Jasper's POV. This doesn't mean that I think the Confederacy was right, but it also doesn't mean that I think they were completely wrong. I love history, and I am trying to portray Jasper accurately. Oh, and for those who have read my other stories, I would like to say that I came up with all the funny details in this one on my own, for once. Though CullenFreak93 still gets credit for putting up with the texts on ideas and for reading it first. She is great.  
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**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight, or any of the recognizable stuff. If I did own it there would be a lot more Jasper in the series.**

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When I had been asked to baby sit my beautiful niece, the answer had been simple. What could be more fun than spending the day with her while Edward and Bella were celebrating their anniversary? They all said that she had me wrapped around her finger, but it wasn't true. So what if she would run to me when she was tired of her aunts playing Barbie on her and I would actually stand up to Alice about clothes? That didn't mean anything. What was wrong with me only letting one thing interrupt me when I was reading about the Civil War? Who wouldn't stop everything when a beautiful bronze haired angel was tapping on their knee? I fail to see how that meant that I was whipped by that little girl.

Everything had seemed like it was going to go normally when the day began. We were home alone; Emmet was hunting, Alice and Rosalie were shopping, Carlisle was working, and Esme was at another home improvement seminar in the city. I didn't know (or care, really) where Jacob was. I knew that it was going to be a great day; Alice was even gushing feelings of excitement and happiness when she had left, and I knew that it wasn't all about shopping.

The two of us were all alone, sitting in the family room. Renesmee had looked up at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes, and I immediately felt my dead heart melt. How could Emmett accuse this little girl of being so mischievous? It had to be pure mendaciousness. I asked her what she wanted to do first as I picked her up. She pressed her perfect little hand to my cheek.

"I don't think that Uncle Emmett would like it very much if we did that to his Jeep, but it is very funny. What else would you like to do?"

"Would you read me a story from one of the special books in your office?" she asked.

"Of course, precious," I said, carrying her to my office. I couldn't have asked for a better niece. I pulled a book about the Civil War off of my shelf and sat in the chair with Renesmee. The book that I had chosen was a fictional story about two brothers, one a Union soldier, and one a Confederate. Nessie sat on my lap, lying back against me. I smiled down at her, opened the book, and began reading. After about a chapter, she stopped me.

"Uncle Jazzy, why did he join the Confederate Army?" she asked.

"Well, Nessie, he believed that the Confederacy was fighting for the right things," Jasper answered.

"Why would he think that? Uncle Emmett said that the Confederacy was just a bunch of pig head hicks who didn't want to admit that they were wrong. He said that they just wanted to stir up trouble." As she spoke, my eye began to twitch.

"Well, your Uncle Emmett can -" I began.

"He also said that all of the Confederate soldiers were horrible, that's why they lost. He said that the army just made anyone a major, so they had a lot of bad officers."

Jasper took a big breath to try and calm down. Little Renesmee just felt curious, I knew that Emmett was the one to blame. The part about making anyone a major was a low blow, a low blow indeed. That could be dealt with later, but right now I had something more important to do; I had to save my niece from this Yankee propaganda.

"Nessie, do you remember what Uncle Emmett told you to do to Aunt Alice's closet?" I asked.

"Ya, he got me in a lot of trouble. He told me that I should light the closet on fire when she was gone because she really didn't like any of the stuff in it. She was really mad, and then Mom and Dad were mad, too. I was in trouble for using the lighter. Everyone else was upset, too."

"That is right; Uncle Emmett told you a lie, which landed you in trouble. He was wrong. He told another lie to you, baby girl. He told you a lot of lies about the Confederacy, and he did it just to try and make me mad. That was very wrong of him, was it not?" Nessie nodded.

"I don't want you to be mad at me, Uncle Jazzy."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm not mad at you. I am mad at Uncle Emmett. I think that we should get back at him, don't you?" Nessie nodded again. "Do you remember the idea that you had earlier? I think that it is very appropriate now. Let's go and get started before he gets back from hunting."

With that, Nessie happily jumped off of my lap and ran to the garage. I smiled to myself as I followed. This would teach Emmett to try and debauch our beautiful niece. In the garage, I went over to the cabinets that held the paint. I found a note taped to the inside of the door.

Jazz,

Have fun. I picked up some special paint for you. You are going to have an hour, unless Emmett changes his mind. Have fun with Nessie. Make sure you do this well, he is corrupting little Renesmee.

Love,

Alice

I knew that I shouldn't have been surprised that my psychic wife had foreseen this, but I did pause in wonder for a moment. I am so lucky that Ali is mine. Then, I noticed the paint cans in the front. My smile got impossibly larger. God, I love my wife. I called Renesmee over to look at the paint, and she squealed when she saw the cans of pink, lime green, and purple. Still smiling, I brought the cans over to Emmett's Jeep, Nessie in tow. With a quarter of an hour to spare our revenge was complete.

Emmett's Jeep was not hot pink. Nessie loved it. We had phrases ranging from "Princess Emmett's Carriage" to "I'm scared of bears" written in lime green and purple paint. Once we were done and sitting in the family room, the true masterpiece of the plan was born.

"I wish that we could find some way to keep Rosalie from painting it back for him," I said. Renesmee grinned.

"Auntie Rose won't if I ask her not to," she said.

"You are a brilliant child," I said. Then, my wonderful niece asked me to tell her what the Confederacy was really about. This little girl is great.

I heard the Porsche winding up the driveway. I couldn't wait until they were home to see the reactions, so Nessie and I went to wait in the garage. We were at the doors of the Porsche as soon as it was parked. I pulled my beautiful wife into a kiss.

"Aunt Rose, come look at what we did to Uncle Emmett's Jeep," Renesmee said as Rosalie picked her up. Alice had a grin on her face. I heard Rosalie gasp and then her peals of laughter. Her amusement, Nessie's joy, and Alice's excitement mixed with my own feelings to overwhelm me, and I began laughing.

"What did my lovely husband do to deserve this work of art?" Rose asked when we had all calmed down.

"Uncle Emmett lied to me, and he said treasonous things against the great Confederacy," Renesmee said with a serious look on her face. Rose shot me a look and Alice laughed. "Oh, and Aunt Rose? Would you please do me a favor?"

"What is it, honey?"

"Would you please not repaint the Jeep? Uncle Emmett needs to learn that it is wrong to lie." Renesmee was so hopeful that I almost felt bad for letting her do this. What if Rose said no?

"Of course, precious, though, I think teaching Uncle Emmett that is a lost cause. It won't hurt to try, will it? When is he going to be back, Alice?"

"In thirteen minutes. He took down two grizzlies, so he is finished," my wife answered. We went inside the house to wait for Emmett. Renesmee made me proceed by telling Alice and Rosalie everything that she had learned today. We heard Emmett's arrival clearly; it sounded like he brought a grizzly back to fight.

"I think that he saw the Jeep," Nessie said. The door burst open in the next second to reveal a physical representation of the rage that I had felt coming from the garage. He was ready to pounce as I tried to flood him with every feeling resembling calmness that I could.

"What did you do to my Jeep?" he said, fury still lining his face and igniting his eyes.

"You might want to calm down a little more, Renesmee is scared," I said, quickly enough that she wouldn't hear. I had stopped all of her fear before it had a chance to develop, but Emmett needed to realize that she was here. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Would you please tell me why you did THAT to my Jeep?" he said, gritting his teeth. I glared at Nessie.

"We found out that you were lying to little Renesmee, again, trying to get her in trouble. That is very wrong, and Renesmee decided that this might teach you a lesson," I said.

"Don't give me that -"

"Child present!" Rosalie chided. Renesmee climbed off of her lap and walked up to Emmett, reaching her arms up to him to pick her up. Once in his arms, she pressed her hand to his cheek. I felt Emmett's anger slowly dissipate. Renesmee felt serious, like she had a job to do. I wished that Edward was here to tell us what she was showing him. Whatever it was it was making Emmett feel thought…and a little remorseful!

"You're right, Renesmee. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lied to you," Emmett said. Rose had a smile on her face as Renesmee hopped out of his arms after a kiss.

A few hours later, I truly got my revenge. Renesmee had gone to try on new clothes with Alice. Carlisle had come home, looked at the Jeep for a moment, and walked to his office repeating "I don't want to know."

I was in my office when Nessie ran in and jumped on my lap.

"Aunt Alice said to give you this flag," she said, handing me a small Confederate flag. "She said you might want to go to Rosalie and Emmett's room." With that, she ran back to Alice's closet.

Why would Alice tell me to go to their room? The only feelings coming from there were happy, there wasn't a fight to diffuse. Normally we were all going away from Rosalie and Emmett's room, not to it. Puzzled, I put down my book and went to their room.

"Come on, baby. What do you mean you won't repaint the Jeep?" Emmett said. Rosalie smiled.

"Renesmee said she wanted to teach you a lesson. I won't repaint the Jeep for you. You can drive it into the town and get it repainted there," Rose said, feeling amusement.

"But, Rose! You know how bad of a job those humans do!" he whined.

"Sorry, Em. Maybe you should learn the lesson." Rose strutted out of the room, leaving Emmett bewildered. I leaned on the doorway.

"Emmett, Emmett, Emmett. When are ya'll gonna learn? Don't mess with the South," I said, laughing and waving my Confederate flag.


End file.
